The Patterns of Healing

Now that I'm on my third surgery, I'm starting to recognize patterns.

Immediately after surgery, I'm sick. SO SICK. I feel like one wrong move is all it will take for me to throw up. By the time I get home, I'm ready to lie down. I usually fall asleep, and at some point, I snore. (I never snore. Never. My husband finds it hilarious and never fails to mention it. I suspect it's the pain meds.)

The next day, I'm sore -- stiff and sore. It hurts to sit down. It hurts to stand up. As long as I keep moving, I'm okay. The pain medicine is more or less pointless. I only take it when I lie down to rest or sleep because otherwise, it's nearly unbearable to try to roll over or move with the stiffness and soreness that develops with the immobility of sleep.

The soreness decreases with time. But I have other symptoms that never fail to surprise me. They shouldn't because they occur every single time -- but they do because I forget about them.

First, the swelling.

This is about a week after my third surgery. My lower legs are horribly swollen, and my feet resemble Fred Flintstone's. The swelling is so bad that my skin feels all stretchy, and it itches like crazy. At this point, I become obsessed with doing MLD and Flexitouch treatments to try to get the extra fluid out. It helps a little, but the only thing that really works is time. And religious compression wear. I wear my compression 23.5/7. The only reason I take it off is to shower and dry off. 

Then bruising is also pretty spectacular. I'm in compression 24/7, so I don't really see the bruising so much right away, but man, the first time I peel the compression off for a shower, I get downright woozy. Then I grab the camera because DANG, look at those bruises! I mean, come on, those are some pretty fancy bruises.

Such pretty colors! This is about a week post surgery.

Another thing that surprises me is the fatigue. This might be the most frustrating thing, too. Even as the pain and swelling subside, the fatigue seems to continue. I FEEL better, so I start trying to do more. But my body says, "Meh." I don't have it in me. I am so bone-weary. And it's crazy because it takes a while for me to figure out WHY. For a few days, I wonder if I'm coming down with something. Then I check my PMS app to see if I'm premenstrual. Then I finally realize, no, it's part of the healing process. 

I know. I'm slow on the uptake. And it happens every. single. time.

Right around the three week mark, though, I hit my stride. It's not gradual, either. I wake up almost to the day, and I feel energized. I feel wide awake and ready to tackle the world. I start cleaning like a 9-month-pregnant nesting woman. I finish projects. I start new projects. I go for walks. I try new workouts. I am ON FIRE. And I'm not even tired! I feel amazing! 

So this time, I'm trying to be patient with myself. I'm reminding myself that I'm not even two weeks out from my third surgery. Give me another week, and I will be ready to take on the world. My bruises are still healing, and my legs are still swollen. I am healing. These things take time. I'm not 21 anymore. I'm twice that, and this is a disease that compromises healing by slowing circulation and screwing up the lymph system.

But I will conquer it. I will. Because I've already gotten through two healing periods with flying colors. Three surgeries since August, and I'm hoping to have one more in a few more weeks. I've so got this. 

It feels good. It really does.

Last year at this time, I was still reeling from the diagnosis. But this year? I'm looking towards the rest of my life.

with these guys! 

Happiest Halloween

Many years ago when we were newlyweds, my husband and I went ATVing in the woods. He decided to cross a decidedly muddy creek. That might have been one of his worst ideas ever. The ATV got stuck in the mud. As luck would have it, the sky was lowering, and tut tut, it looked like rain. He tried to push the ATV out while I tried to drive it out. That did not work. He tried to rock it out while I pushed. Nope, that didn't work, either. We both tried to push it out. That didn't work, either. 

Each time we stood in the mud, another layer of the sticky, clay-like Illinois mud attached itself to our feet. My legs were getting so hard to lift, and finally, we gave up when my feet became literally mired in the muck (I even lost a shoe in it!). He went trudging off to find help while I stayed with the ATV (and my lost shoe? lol).

That's what lipedema feels like: like each step adds a heavy layer of sticky, mucky mud. Concrete. Lead. It's not so much that we are too weak to walk. It's that our legs feel so unbearably heavy that it's nearly impossible.

Every year, we trek around the neighborhood with our kids. We always follow the same basic route: down one road, across the next, up this road, back across that road, up the next road and so on. For the past several years, I've tuckered out at the same point each time, my legs feeling leaden, as though I were trudging through concrete. Or that sticky, mucky creek mud. My legs become too heavy to walk, and I have to head home. I'm overwhelmed with fatigue, and that fatigue can keep me down for the next several days. 

Not last night.

Last night, as we came on that oh-so-familiar landmark, I realized that my legs didn't feel heavy. They DID feel a bit tired, as legs that are not in good athletic condition are wont to do, but they didn't feel heavy. And this morning? I had plenty of energy. Two surgeries and 10 or so pounds (so far). That's all Dr. Buck really did, but that small amount of work has made such a huge difference in my physical well-being. It's just utterly mind-blowing.

I'm halfway through the leg process before we take a break and reassess in six months or a year, but that I've experienced such an astounding improvement makes me think that maybe this might be it. That after the next two procedures, I might be done.

Reminder: These were my legs about two months ago.
Heavily swollen, full of lipomas and extremely painful

These are my legs after two surgeries with eight liters removed --
They are deflated-looking and still lumpy,
but oh-so-much-more comfortable now.

And with compression? Well shoot, they almost look and feel like normal human legs.